i am in so much pain, and i hate everything. i hate going to the doctor to get the treatments that barely work, and being the only patient in the doctor’s office who’s under 70.
i hate that everybody thinks i’m just being dramatic. people always ask why i’m going to the bathroom several times an hour. i tell them i have an autoimmune disease called interstitial cystitis, and that in addition to making me piss all the time it causes chronic pain. they’re always like “oh, you should have led with that last part. when you say ‘autoimmune disease,’ it makes it sound serious.”
haha yeah because there’s nothing serious about the fact that 11% of women with IC have had suicidal thoughts within the past two weeks. There’s nothing serious about the fact that the quality of life with IC resembles that of a person on kidney dialysis or suffering from chronic cancer pain, and is officially recognized as a disability.
i hate that i had to learn those facts just today and that none of my mental health professionals over the last 8 years have thought that maybe my suicidal ideation is related to my chronic pain.
most of all, i hate the fact that if i weren’t fortunate enough to have good insurance, i’d be suffering even more than i do now. i wish that everyone who’s against affordable health care would have a condition like this so that they could experience for themselves just how ‘unnecessary’ accessible healthcare is.